Keith and Wendy have been married for 3 years going into their 4th year soon. They have 2 beautiful children. They are both youth pastors and the founder and leaders of Restored ministries.
Brief history of how you met
Wendy
I was browsing through Facebook back in 2010, going through friend’s page and looking at mutual friends. I remember one of my friends updated his status and had people commenting, as you do, I am reading through comments and come across a profile which immediately took my attention I then decided to click on the profile. I was having a closer look at personal info section and I was instantly stunned at the fact that his birthday was thesame as mine. I was in total shock because I have never actually come across someone who shares the same birthday as me yet alone be so good looking! I was grinning from ear to ear. I messaged my friend whom we shared mutual with, to hook us up with the main reason being sharing the same birthday, of course he laughed and still went ahead to do it anyway. We exchanged BB pins and never really spoke at first because quietly frankly I was very shy and didn’t actually know what to say to him. A few weeks went by and I got up the courage to message him. The conversation was very natural and did not feel forced. After a few more weeks on being ‘BB buddies’ we decided to meet. I was so excited, woke up early that morning trying to find my best clothes ones which will draw his attention straight to me. So, we met, it was not as awkward as I thought it would be, it was very much the opposite it was as if we had known each other for a while. We talked about everything and anything, he decided to walk me home that evening as we discovered we actually only lived 10mins away from each other. I got home and couldn’t stop smiling. I finally met the guy whom I shared a birthday with.
Keith
One day in 2010 I received an add on Facebook from Wendy, we started talking and I realised that this girl seems very cool, attraction was there and she seemed like fun. We began speaking via BB, I don’t recall who made the first move to message but I that I do know is that in that moment and at that age I was having fun so possibly it was me. After the exchange, after a period of conversations and being that we found out that we lived quite close to one another we decided to meet up. I wasn’t nervous, I was back in London that weekend from Uni and I felt good. I remember when we met, Wendy would say she wasn’t but she was a little shy to begin with so I pushed the convo but after a while she lightened up. We chilled in my car for a while before I walked her home, I actually walked her because my car wouldn’t start but Wendy didn’t care, we continued to walk and talk and laugh and smile.
2.What was your proposal like?
Wendy
The proposal for me was so unexpected, prior to the day I had several dreams of him proposing, one dream revealed to me that it would be my parents 25th anniversary celebration. The dream was so clear that I shared it with Keith later on and also kept asking ‘when are you proposing?’ Almost to the point I went looking for the ring in an around his room (impatient was my middle name). Funny thing is that I Almost found it and I believe the holy spirit threw me off guard and in that instant I gave up looking. So on the day when he did it it was in the back of my head. It was on the 26th of February 2017, we organised our youth bible studies love feast at a restaurant. We arrived sat at our table and just ordered our meal. Honestly, a proposal was far from my mind. After we ate, desserts arrived and I suddenly realised everyone had the phones out still unaware at what was happening I saw Keith in the corner of my eye get on one knee, lips trembling with a ring in his hand, that’s when it hit me omg its actually happening. I had to ask a couple of times if it was a joke because I could not believe it. As he placed the ring on my finger and before I could even scream yes, I was just blown away by the whole evening, the planning, the speech, being surrounded by our nearest and dearest who also had no idea so were just was shocked as me! It was beautiful.
Keith
Wendy was extremely annoying during this period, God was revealing to her my plan to propose in several dreams, she was sending me wedding videos and photos on Instagram and just constantly talking about marriage, weddings and proposals. I was more annoyed because I wanted it to be a surprise but because of her consistency it was hard to pull it off. I remember asking Vanessa (Wendy’s Sister) for the ring style Wendy had said she wanted, little did I know that she would ask her directly and play it off as something unrelated. There was even one evening that Wendy snapped lol and began searching for the ring that she thought I had bought, problem was that I had bought a ring and she was literally 2 seconds away from finding it. I had to throw her off of every scent of what was to come. We planned a Group feast with our bible studies lot, I remember leaving church, chilling at home and when we were about to leave, she had on jeans and some vans. I asked her don’t you want to wear the heels you had just been wearing but she said “nah my feet hurt” then we left. I can’t ever lie and say that I wasn’t nervous but I built up crazy courage, just as we were waiting on the desert I got on my knee and asked (Wendy will say I was shaking), in that moment camera lights everywhere, Wendy with her head in her hands in shock, left waiting on that “Yes” for what felt like hours but when it came bliss. The rest is history!
Reservation you had entering into the relationship or marriage
We thought long and hard and we could not really find one reservation we both had
Please indicate one obstacle you faced while single and how you overcame it
Wendy
One major obstacle I face while single was overcoming promiscuity, a period in my life where I found comfort and love in the arms of guys. I was so reliant and desperate to be loved I did not truly understand how to love myself. I was desperate to feel accepted and appreciated that I was seeking validation from all the wrong people and all the wrong places. I remember one evening in my Uni room, going on my knees and praying for God to heal my broken heart, I prayed that God will restore me and take control over my mindset. My mindset of how I saw myself and viewed myself begun to change. I honestly felt such a shift in my life from that evening, I began to walk in fullness and joy of knowing that I was valued and cherished by the Father. It may sound cliche but I felt like God had such great plans for me and the life I lived which was a sinful one was also the very life I would one day share to restore the faith of someone else who will also go through such dark times.
Keith
For me one of the obstacles I faced while single was an unwillingness to be open enough to be hurt by someone. I had seen how women had left some of my older friends doing crazy stuff, being left vulnerable and open for hurt was not my portion and to be honest I had even felt hurt myself, though not being left totally heartbroken but at the time it felt like so. I didn’t even want to trust a woman let alone let one see me at my most vulnerable times or inner most thoughts/feelings and I almost became unaware of how I was treating women I spoke to. As I got older and started to feel more and more empty, I began to speak to God and hope for a change (not saying I was praying for a wife but I felt God changing my heart somewhat). I overcame this slowly and as my friendship with Wendy grew so did my trust and my ability to be more vulnerable.
Biggest issue you encountered the first year of marriage
Wendy
I would say something we encountered the first year, though I would not say was an issue as such was the fact that we had our daughter that same year of marriage and we were living with my parents at the time. So here we are first year of marriage, staying with parents so we could afford to purchase a home and a new born in the mix was not easy for me. Personally, my dream was to be in a home settled before starting a family. Though, like I said it was not so much as an issue because we were able to save a lot more and I had the help of my mother and sister in helping me look after our daughter especially when Keith had to work more. It’s all about perspective when it comes to ‘issues. I was able to have time to rest in-between and personally it made me realise there is no issue under the sun which God cannot take care of.
Keith
For me I’d say understanding my wife and that loving my wife means dying to self, putting her first, sacrificing. Even though I would have done anything for my wife in that first year the thought that it was a constant thing was what would escape me from time to time. Though I’m using words like sacrifice and phrases like dying to self I’m mostly speaking of the little things like going to the corner shop and considering your wife, making an effort about the things that she likes, not only knowing her love language but responding to it, even if that is not how you would of or had been doing things before! The consistency is what I struggled with in the first year but glory be to God I’m still learning.
How did you involve God in your courtship and marriage?
Wendy
As we have become very active in church over the years through courtship into marriage, we are both also ordained youth pastors within our church and have our own youth ministry which is a community-based ministry called RESTORED ministry. Through courtship we served in church in different departments, I was a part of the ushering, finance and hospitality team. Keith was in charge of the media department, protocol and an armour bearer. We made it our main aim to focus and place God in the centre of our relationship, we often prayed together and had bible studies together that being the start of our youth ministry – we realised that we were growing more through fellowship that we wanted to invite others to be a part of the journey. This started in 2016. RESTORED ministry is still very active now, we built a family and we meet every week on a Tuesday, with everything going on in the world today we now operate on zoom and never miss a beat!
Keith
God is the head, always has been and always will be. We both have too much respect and reverence for our own personal relationships with God and for His active presence in our marriage to not involve Him in our union. With that being said during courtship we prayed together, studied together, discussed ideas, topics and strategies regarding personal growth together making God and the things of God our focus above all else. As a married couple not much has changed but things have just become more intense, for example we practice monthly fasting and praying, we ask God to help build one another up, we intentionally sharpen each other in conversation, we check each other, we turn to the word in every situation as well as that we know that we have a joint mandate and purpose to fulfil as Restored Ministry.
Who approached who first? How did the relationship start?
Wendy answered the 4 following questions
Keith approached me first, he offered to give me a lift into work and as we pulled up he told me he had something to tell me, he told me he had started to have feelings for me but does not want to be in a relationship. At the point I was a-bit confused why you would go to all the trouble of bringing me here to tell me how you felt and then end it by saying you did not want a relationship so I immediately stormed out and went straight into work. During my lunch I had a message on my phone from Keith saying he would like to pick me up from work I was reluctant and wanted to say no because what more could you possibly tell me at this point but it was cold and the car ride won’t be too bad so I said yes why not. So, he came to my work place and picked me up from work that evening and as we were driving home, he started acting very weird (he will say otherwise), but I could tell he was uneasy and the ride was becoming awkward as both of us did not want to bring up what happened earlier. So, as he parked up outside, the conversation had to be brought up he explained what he meant by not wanting to be in a relationship as he hadn’t been in one for a very long time and a relationship was not something for now in his life. After further explanation, I understood his point of view and thought well we can just see how things go. A couple of months later, he asked me over the phone one evening – sorry correction he told ‘you know you’re my girl right’ I laughed and the rest is history.
How did you know your spouse was God’s choice for you to marry?
Initially I would say I was not very sure if Keith was God’s choice for me as I never really thought about it at the start of our relationship but honestly a couple of months and things started to make more sense. I understood the true meaning of being valued and respected. It started to make more sense why it never worked with anybody else. A couple of years later, we began a ministry which I very much doubt I would have if I was single or with anyone else but him. The vision of the ministry was revealed to us and formed a part of our own past and how God restored us back.
What are the key attributes to look for when looking for a spouse?
One major attribute to look for is of course a man who loves God, earns for Him, honours Him in all he does. Someone who understand the importance of service, service in the kingdom and service to man! A man who loves without limitations, is a great supporter in everything you do, pushes you to your limit and prays for you without hesitation.
Should women shoot their shot? If not how might a woman gain the attention of a guy she likes?
Yes, of course. I mean why not? Sometimes we have to go after what we believe is God’s choice for us. I mean if I didn’t do a little bit of stalking on Facebook who is to say I would have met Keith and be where we are today? Its honestly all about praying and going for it. If he’s the one set apart for you, God shall grant you the grace, boldness & courage to approach him! Don’t be shy ladies!
Keith answered the following questions
What godly principles do you use that have really helped you sustain your relationship?
I would start off with understanding. Although Wendy and myself lived in close proximity to one another we lived different lives and have experienced different things. Now when we got together, I tried coming into the relationship with my understanding to be final but I had to learn that the some things are “not that serious” to me, may be very serious to her and when I began to understand her and her needs is when our actions began to mirror the love, we have for each other. The way we gain understanding is to seek understanding from the LORD, when we do this, we push our own understanding and ego aside in order to make Christ the centre of our lives. Likewise, I make every attempt to understand my wife to make sure I am taking her into consideration. Also, faithfulness, I have to make sure I am doing what I need to do and doing what I said I would do. Being able to trust someone requires a sense of reliability and if I am not seen to be reliable in my wife eyes then trust will begin to deteriorate. Trust that you will be able to lead the family, trust that you will be able to protect and trust that I am the person I said I am, I do not want to lose the trust my family have in me so I make sure I am faithful to my family.
How did you know your spouse was God’s choice for you to marry?
The fact that Wendy reintroduced me back to faith and not only reintroduced me but the fact that she made sure I was attending, studying the word and building a personal relationship with God. I believe when it’s natural and you feel free to be your true self was an indication that God’s hand was involved and going back to one of my previous answers, I was able to be vulnerable and Wendy welcomed that vulnerability. Even though I am older I felt that God was nurturing me into maturing into my true self, the man that God intended me to be through Wendy.
If you have kids, how did that change the dynamics of the marriage?
We have two kids, Keziah aged 3 and Kaleb who is almost 2. Being blessed with these two has definitely changed the dynamics of marriage, in so much that we now have to work extra harder to find time not only for ourselves but for us as a married couple. Especially because they are still quite young, we have to sacrifice sleep sometimes for sake of ministry, work and engaging in other forms of productivity such as preparation. As much as the dynamic has changed it is not so much that it can’t be managed, through teamwork and God on your side everything is possible. Also, the addition of my children has given me an even greater sense of protection and a greater desire to be a person that is looked up to, as Apostle Paul said “follow me as I follow Christ”.
Ladyvirtue 