Relationship Series: Mr and Mrs Machabango

1.Brief history of how you met

Well my husband started going to what I call my church (because I was there first 😁) when I was still at university. So he met my family and even started working with my dad in his business like a year or so before we met. He says he would see some of my pictures whenever dad would take him to our home for lunch and he couldn’t wait to meet me one day. When I went back home after uni, we must have missed each other in church as we did not met until the children’s day celebration which was a few months after I went back to church. And finally, can you believe it, we actually met eye to eye on the church altar. Yes, I was sat with the children at the altar being prayed for and something went wrong with the mic, he was part of the tech team so he came to the altar to switch mics, he bends down to where I was sat and says , “Are you Lorraine’s sister?”, my response, yes. “Hi, my name is Farai” ,okay I’m nomsa, nice to meet you. And to our embarrassment, the mic he had switched was still on so the whole church heard our very first interaction and only God knew the whole church would also witness our joining. 

His famous line became I met you at the altar and I want to take you to the altar. 

2. What was your proposal like?

MMMMM the most unromantic and unplanned event ever. I went to spend some time with him at his apartment before I was set to go to a family friend’s daughter’s 21st birthday celebration with my parents. So my parents were to meet me near his place, as I was getting ready to leave, we spoke a little bit about the party and I asked him to join us but he said no, he’s tired …. Then he said but I will be there with you … he then went on his knee and out the ring came …. I said yes, but now I think I should have said no, so he could’ve done it the way he says he really wanted to do it. 

3. Name one reservation you had in entering into your relationship or marriage

This was a big one, from the word go, I told him I was only getting into the relationship to get married. He asked me out for almost a year. And from the word go I told my spiritual mother what was happening  and what he was saying. He also spoke to my spiritual father about his intentions. I knew he was the one for me 3 months after he made his move but I didn’t jump into the relationship straight away. It was a year later that I felt, it was the right time, and when he asked me again to go out with him, I told him , I’m saying yes to being your wife not girlfriend because I don’t have time nor energy to be in and out of a relationship and he said that’s what he wanted.  Of course we didn’t start acting like husband and wife. We just knew from the word go that we were in this relationship because we see a future. 

As a Christian if you don’t see marriage don’t start the relationship, your heart is too precious for trial and error. 

Another major one I also had was I didn’t want to get married to someone who had been married before. I have nothing against people who are divorced for whatever reason, but for me personally, I don’t like drama or a complicated life, I mean you just have to look at my friends to know that. So if my husband had been married before, mmmmm it had to take God writing it in the sky that he’s the one for me. I know God gives grace, and the same God gives wisdom for living, so you  have to know yourself and what you can take or can’t take. Some people are married to former prostitutes and they don’t let that spouse speak or interact with the opposite sex because of fear and insecurity of what might happen, that is not the way to live in a marriage. Life happens but we are not all graced for certain life events. 

4. Please indicate one obstacle you faced while single and how you overcame it

I always say to my husband, he didn’t give me a chance to be single. Whilst I was at uni I got lost in leading the fellowship. God led me to start the fellowship so much so that I didn’t even have time to want to date. Before I started uni there were a few guys that I was talking to on a serious note but I never wanted to get married too early so before I even finished first year had cut all contacts. I always said I wanted to get married late, like 28/29ish but as soon as I finished uni I met my husband as his intent was clear, and with God’s go ahead, my plans were ruined. But I have to add this, when my husband worked with my dad, they would share some of their stories as men, some good and some bad. So when my dad found out that he was pursing me, he was furious and wanted me to have nothing to do with him. That was one major thing we faced before we even started dating. 

I went from telling my dad that there is nothing to be furious about as I didn’t even like him at the time to actually asking our father in the Lord to kindly speak to my dad and tell him we believed this was God’s doing and we wanted his blessing. 

5. What was the biggest issue you encountered the first year of marriage or are have encountered so far if you have been married less than a year?

Ours was finances. We had everything planned out before our wedding, from how we were going to move from the city we were living in to a new city to start a new life together. We decided to move near a city where my wife worked at the time her salary was higher than mine and the house we had found was only a small fraction of that salary so we worked out that we would be okay whilst I looked for a new job. 3 months later I found a job and my wife’s law firm shut down. So we had to live on one salary for a while, after few months things were starting to short fall and then a year into it we started to get frustrated. As a man , if you can get what you want for your wife or you see your wife not even being able to go and get her hair done because there is no money, that is a frustrating feeling. We would have arguments sometimes, blame each other for moving in the first place etc . But what kept us was the love and grace of God and the fact that we became thankful that it was happening at the early stage of our life together and before children. We remained in faith that God would pull us through and made confessions about God’s abundance in our home, we also kept looking at our vision board for encouragement.  

Recently, we had up to £4,000 income in our home and we just sat down laughing remembering the month we were so scared to pay rent because we would have about £100 left for all other bills and to live on. No matter what you are facing or may face in your marriage, as long as both of you are still alive it means you will surely have an opportunity to come out, but you must be fused together. That is what two become one means, you won’t let go of each other because of hard times but you face them together so you can also celebrate together. How many stories have you heard of wives that leave their husbands because of lack and a few years down the line the husband has a break through and makes it, by the time the wife wants to go back, the seat is vacated.

6. How did/are you involving God in your courtship or marriage?

Well since we met in church, at the altar, we have literally had to stay at the altar. My husband would tell me all the time that God had spoken to him saying  “the only place he was safe was in His presence”. So we would do our best to read the bible, pray together and go to conferences and seminars together. We spoke about our passions and calling of God all the time in an acknowledgement that we are His. We were also accountable to our mentors who kept asking and encouraging us to keep the things of God important in our relationship. And now in our marriage, we encourage each other to keep going in the things God is asking us to do. We have bible study, prayer and worship time as a family. And we still have our mentors checking on us concerning the things of God. 

Further questions 

1. Have you ever felt like you wish you had not married your partner and how did you overcome such feelings?

We have, but it’s after huge arguments or disappointments, but my husband says if you don’t feel that when nothing is wrong then it doesn’t count. It’s like wishing you weren’t born when you’re having a pity party for yourself but when you have things going well, you love your life/self.

Also, sometimes when you don’t get things “your way” , yes you can feel like if I was on my own I would be doing what I want. But you have to remember your marriage is not to take advantage of the other person, it’s about unconditional love and selflessness. 

You have to keep reminding yourself that your marriage is for the purposes of God, not your selfish ambitions. 

2. How is your relationship with your in-laws? What advice would you give others regarding cultivation of a good relationship.

When you integrate your marriage with both families and make it one big family, that way it won’t be your family or my family. Everyone may not be receptive to your spouse, but they have to respect and honour them if they are to be part of that family. 

At the moment we are both good with all our parents but having hiccups with some siblings from hubby side. We have had family meetings about it  and communicated that we are keeping a distance from that person until these resolve, so now just praying and waiting for time to heal. Otherwise, it’s very important that you both include each other with what is going own with anything from your families. Let them know that you are one whether in good or bad with anything to do with the extended families. 

3. What godly principles do you use that have really helped you sustain your relationship?

Honour one another in reverence to Christ has been key. 

Keep our marriage and home sacred. 

Loving as Christ loved the church. 

Respecting one another. 

Keeping .the purpose of our marriage at the centre of it all 

Becoming one, no one and nothing is above our union. 

Allowing God to hold us together 

Naked and unashamed. We are still learning to be so free with one another that we can fail or succeed in each other’s face and still be together. 

4. How did you keep yourself from getting desperate/feeling lonely before marriage?

Commitment and dedication to the things of God. As a man I kept myself so busy serving God and others and I did not see or feel the void but I knew I wanted to be married before I reached 30 years old, and it happened, I got married at 29 years old. 

5.What are your favourite books for singles to read to encourage them through singlehood?

• Waiting and dating by Dr Myles Munroe
• Boy meets Girl by Joshua Harris

6. How did you know your spouse was God’s choice for you to marry?

Firstly I was attracted and then I listened out for the inward witness (the Holy Spirit) to confirm if I was just lusting or had found my wife. 

If it was left to me I would not have married my husband because i actually didn’t want a man who would be called to ministry the way I am, I always thought there has to be a balance, but I guess if both husband and wife can be doctors, then why not ministers too. So I prayed and tried to reason with God why he couldn’t be the one and the more I tried to reason the more God was like, it’s either your will or mine, and that was it for me. It took me almost a year before I told him I had confirmation, then we started dating. 

7. What are the key attributes to look for when looking for a spouse?

From a man’s perspective, she has to be God fearing, attractive to me, trustworthy, believe in the vision, share ambitions and dreams. Shared value system, might be from two different backgrounds but stand on the same values and beliefs about life. 

From a woman’s perspective, he has to love God and be lost in his purpose for his life. Know and still learning how to love his wife, be compassionate, humble, confident, secure and friendly. I love that my husband doesn’t hold me down from the things I tell him I want to do. 

8. Should women shoot their shot? If not how might a woman gain the attention of a guy she likes?

As a man, trust me, never ever try to gain the attention of a guy you like because that guy might not like you back and you’ll end up breaking your own heart.

There is nothing wrong with you liking a guy, but once you start trying to get his attention, you start chasing him. We’ve had a couple of girls try to set themselves up in our home with a guy that we’re friends with that they like and every time it’s been a disaster. If you like a guy, keep it to yourself, God and maybe a mentor or someone like that who can help you through it. We are in the 21st century I know but God is still the same God that made the man a hunter. Most men are actually put off by girls who put themselves in their face for attention or to be noticed. He might not be yours, he might not see you as his wife, you might not get the response you want, so it’s best to just go about your business as normal and he that wants a wife will notice you at the right time.